Revealing the Unseen

We were on an expedition in our backyard for 2 months to locate the mysterious cryptid El Zhenxun. Legend has it that this vile creature can kill with its looks, a natural defense system. It was said that you can only look at the creature directly through an opaque barrier or via camera recordings, much like a solar eclipse, but instead of being one of nature's wonders, it is an abomination.

Now back to our discoveries, they're so shocking your lives will change forever. Here are pictures and footage we captured during our adventure, we have every reason to believe that they are images of real life El Zhenxuns.

An early photo from a trap camera, it is likely that this is an omega El Zhenxun sent to scout for enemies and test their credentials. El Zhenxun class ladders are classified by ugliness, individuals with more tolerable looks get pushed around.

El Zhenxuns have perfected the art of mimicry, here we have a relatively young individual attempting to mimic a monkey for  fun, sometimes it's hard to tell which is which, but that's the magic of animals.

This was a very dangerous close encounter we had with a sleeping El Zhenxun, notice the growling, the aggressive behaviour and the threat to kick, nothing is more dangerous than an El Zhenxun in slumber not even your mom on her period.

This shows us again the intelligence the El Zhenxuns possess, another natural defense mechanism to protect themselves in slumber. We learnt through this footage that El Zhenxuns have the ability to create fake opened eyes with paper to confuse predators while sleeping. 

After careful evaluation, we conclude the El Zhenxuns are a formidable species and should be handled with care. However, we do believe they are utterly useless to Mother Earth and should be poached until they are extinct, it's not going to be easy but we have cleverly come up with an El Zhenxun Hunting Guide, it's everything you need to know how about hunting these creatures.

Words of a Father

Today, Z.Hensun III-donkey, pet, friend, husband and father is sharing his thoughts about being the father to his son, Ma.

Z. Hensun III and his little boy Ma.

I couldn't be happier to have fathered Ma, he has real potential , just the other day he carried a full bag of stones up a windy hill and only broke one leg.

We've shared so many good moments together, i remember how he used to sniff my ass all morning as a young foal, you know what they say, "sniff your dad's ass, for similar success", i realize how my boy is not just going to be another pack mule, he is going to achieve great things like his father, he is at least going to be a circus performer. I am very proud of you Ma Hensun.

To the school bully, Fatty, who makes fun of my kid constantly in school, horses are not superior to donkeys, your only role in life is to look like Sarah Jessica Parker, in fact, horses are just overgrown donkeys without the usefulness. Remind me again whose species is not a character in Winnie the Pooh and whose meat is being used as patties in Britain. Horses are probably the only species on Earth that haven't been made to look good on TV because they're a bunch of twats.

Fatty, the fattest piece of s*it in town and NOT a cast member of Winnie the Pooh.

My son knows very well too that zebras are just horses with stripes, they're equally obnoxious and similarly uneducated. I sincerely want these two species eradicated entirely, goddamned horse-faced pieces of shit @#$%^&:":#^&!^#*^^%&.